Thursday, September 29, 2005
horror.. sore eyes again, i think i should get rid of my lenses. and i wonder why my skin is peeling off.. makes my face look so pale and dry.. plus i'm having bad hair day.. T_T
i should drink more water, eat some fruits, have enough sleep, go for a jog again (been very lazy tsk tsk shoot yourself livi), get disposable lenses, and do something to my hair.. maybe replace my spoilt hair-dryer. hmm trim my eyebrows? how bout some care products?
is it considered vain if you think about all these? no right? there's nothing wrong with wanting to look presentable, as long as for good reasons =p
i'm getting more and more like a living corpse.. *shake head*
yah first cg last nite, they should change the name of the place to bridal street, there are about more than 10 bridal shops there, what a competition. anyway, thanks for the welcome once again, it meant something =)
i think the ex-ywamers would love to join the cg cos there's no game in the programmes hahahaah... ehem anyway all in all it was nice, just that am not really used to sit on the small chair and yah didn't really know how to sing the songs >_<
nic shared bout few things, not to take things for granted cos we're so blessed being a christian in singapore.. yah very very blessed. talked about outreaching as well, man.. i haven't really heard that or should i say i haven't been really doing that for ages.
thanks to nic and fang (in short) for walking me back to chinatown mrt, we passed this one whole row of food stalls, the place was so bright.. so red.. very china yah.. well considering it's chinatown area.. of course.. lol..
a thought- got this from one of watchman nee's book-
the failure of many christians is caused by fear of shame. out of love for the glory of men they are not willing to forsake their own thrones. do not think that we are born with humility and gentleness. we do not realize just how proud we are. who knows how much the grace of God must work in us before we will come down from our thrones and be delivered from the enticement of the glory of men.
i can be so proud.......
*livi* 5:19 PM
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Tuesday, September 27, 2005
the more you expect.. the higher your hopes are.. the more you put your trust in it.....
the worse you will fall.. the more painful you will feel.. the more disappointed you are..
heh everybody knows that. maybe that's why there are some ppl who are afraid to open up and invest their lives more into someone or something. it's a sad thing when you have no one and nothing to believe, to trust. you can have many ppl around, but no one is really there. hmmm suddenly i remember naruto.. hahaha....
heya i really love casting crowns, i think i can declare their new album as my fave.
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
- stained glass masquerade -
ok so my cl read my blog (that's one shock).. then i realized that my sdl read my blog too waaaaa... i think i can dig a hole. oh well =p but cara did surprise me with her invitation to go for kayaking together one day. that's nice =)
*livi* 10:11 PM
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Monday, September 26, 2005
is it hard to get people to hang out? the answer is yes.. haha..
i'm very much in love with 'and now my lifesong sings' by casting crowns. i think it's a wonderful track. in fact casting crowns has a lot of great meaningful songs. *by the way i'm not paid by them*
it's been another weekend, dun think i'll elaborate much. just realized that a lot of ppl are reading my blog *so paiseh* hmm.. my mum was here again, she's kinda bored and lonely. accompanied her to chinatown, walked around orchard.. well more or less things that are very tiring to me, but most importantly is the time that i spent with her. i haven't been hanging out with parents a lot (not that i don't want, but cannot) so it was a great time spent after all =)
sat was a great time of worship. think everyone loves 'how great is our God'. the presence of the Lord was so so strong that i had goosebumps, seriously. i could just feel it within me. a reminder. how great He is, how faithful He is, how wonderful He is, how majestic He is. my voice was breaking and i know i cried.
everybody chased me to bed on sat nite.. nicole gave me a super early morning call. went to sun ss, had mixed feelings but overall ok la haha.. thanks for all the welcome. called joel out, met wenjun then hendra and guo.. became games day.. after xbox, arcade, lan dota. we had a very funny game, pleasure to work with joel =)
i just came back from meeting him again, i think he's very bored and i don't go back on my words. junyao just got back from thai, he came with dewen. they are funny ^^
talked to susi a while last nite, sigh i miss her.. really do. starting to feel lonely now and it's really a terrible feeling. not having someone around to pour out. i remember what she said before she left, don't bottle things up cos it's not healthy but she believes i will be fine. so i will live up to her expectation, i will be fine.. as long as God is in my heart.. and He is. that's a relief.
*livi* 10:16 PM
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Thursday, September 22, 2005
my hair is so straight today and suddenly i realized how long it has grown (compared to last time). yay am not going to cut it anymore man...
for the first time i feel kinda excited towards this whole transition thing. had a very very very short talk with ying soon (my new cl), another shy guy leader who's trying to build relationship thru msn (sounds familiar =p) but oh well at least that's the impression that i get now. he showed me his blog that links to many other blogs as well, apparently they love to blog hmmm.. did some reading, the entries are inspiring, lots of learning points and i can't help to think that their lives are different somehow somewhere, can't really put it into words. they are adults. ok that doesn't help hahaha... they are mature.. and God seems to be really real in them (i'm not saying that we're not) but anyway susi may be right when she told me the main reason why she wants to move on. i wonder how different i will be in future, how much i will grow in the Lord.. thinking that it will be by leaps and bounds, i'm excited.
on the other hand, i do hope they're not too serious and can have fun like young ppl hahaa... that's the thing that we can't bear from youth.. wa liew livi you are very fickle minded.. one minute pros to adult.. the other minute to youth.. it's like stepping on two boats, wanting to have both. but i guess growing in the Lord is more important yah... more than having a comfortable place to serve, ministry that i'm so familiar with, pnw songs that i enjoy, having good friends around.. crapping.. having fun.. yah growing in the Lord should matter more. i begin to think i can do this. i shall be mature and no one can say i don't behave my age anymore hahaha... we all should stop deceiving ourselves.
listening >> jump around - planet shakers
PS. i won't abandon certain fun things in my life though.... =p
*livi* 3:14 PM
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005
i was flipping my bible this morning when i discovered there's something on the first page.. a very small handwriting (which i believe is mine) right at the bottom corner "never step back"
i was quite surprised, can't remember when i wrote that down.. but it gave me a thought. never step back... don't turn away from God.. don't stop moving.. no matter what. it was my resolution. it IS my resolution.
yeah went to meet the Ls in my future group last nite.. NG3B3 hahah what a name.. while me and shufen were waiting, we talked about certain stuff that has been going on lately in this church.. some ppl left.. just like that.. after all the mountains and valleys. incomprehensible.
i wonder.. if one day i leave.. how many ppl will be talking about me.. how many ppl will condemn me.. how many ppl will really really care to bring me back.. or how many ppl will just say 'oh that's too bad for her' and simply don't care. hmmm.... but the truth is i have to take responsibility over my own life.
ok back to main topic, i think the dinner was quite interesting. they're trying to make us feel comfortable by cracking some ermm jokes.. haha.. anyway though there were awkward moments especially for bao whom bday celebrated as well by them, all in all they are bunch of nice ppl (considering they are also hope ppl.. of course they are =p). i wonder if they are interested to go for kayaking in the future.. probably not. oh well~
few things that i can remember from last nite:
A: so how do you feel? sad? i remember when i transferred from uni group to professional, i cried and cried and cried
B: hey... don't scare her...
me: ha ha.... -_-
A: i will take few months break from ministry
me: no.. starting from jan, i'll have to 'chiong' already
A: 'chiong' for boyfriend is it?
me: double -_-
and because of that, everybody found out about my '24' dream.. well not that am ashamed to admit, but it's time to stop talking bout that unrealistic goal hahahaha..... sigh.. gotta jog tonight >_<
*livi* 12:31 PM
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005
rainbow days. was reading 'God is closer than you think' this morning. how to make my ordinary days special, or yet ordinary days can be good as well. when i wake up in the morning and thinking oh my it's another day of work, feeling that everything's not right and i just want to continue on sleeping.. then i'll really be tired and burdened for the rest of the day.
it's how i perceive it. my own perception. same goes with wondering why God is far today, well He's not, but sometimes we are the ones who want to make Him far.
good day or bad day... it lies on how i see it.
on yaoguo's advice, i'm trying to sleep earlier every night now =p from 3 plus.. to 2 plus.. to 1 plus.. (i did it) maybe in the future 12 plus? enough rest is important, my habit of sleeping at wee hours makes me look haggard with eye bags and pale face and look older than shirls at times =( well if that's not bad enough, it makes me so tired and grumpy the next day as well.. starting to think that i'm a very unpleasant person, making my life and ppl around me miserable. 'walking on thin ice'.. i remember that's the term used for me before. aaahh.. i need refreshment from God, and maybe a mirror.. how about a pillow or my danielle?
i want to close my eyes.. not comfortable.. having sore eye again.. well thank God it's only one side so at least i can still see from the other eye. went to the optical last nite, they have extra frame for my broken specs, so i don't need to buy a new one.. phew.. praise the Lord.. save money.
hey these little little things are blessings.. and i want to live in constant thanksgiving for Him.. then i'll be a joyful person! =) i love black but this world is not black. well at least my life is not.
listening >> You - the afters
You're in my heart, You're in my soul, You are my heaven, You're my home, You're my best friend, You're my true love, You are my treasure, You're my hope, You are my peace, You are my joy, You are my Savior.....
You're my God.
***
though i play all the FF games.. RPG.. pc games.. previously championship manager.. diablo.. dota.. watched soccer till 4 am 5 am.. prefer to shop at simlim rather than looking at clothes... my gender is still 'female'.. but i think you all know that right? oh well just in case..
speaking of which, last nite was definitely my fave dota night hahahaaha....
*livi* 1:10 PM
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........... OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH........
i've just finished watching advent children for the don't know how many times already, and it is just.. beautiful... i'm seriously loving it... *shake my head in amazement*
it's been an advent fever for everyone.. especially for FF loyal fans. surely topic of the week. even for those who don't understand, check out the graphics and you'll just love it.
rights, anyway today is really my final cg in wam, no more delay. kinda funny when i saw all these ppl around me.. but yet hrrmm dun know how to describe hahaa... i'm delegating the task of cleaning the place for cg to meimei, considering how early my ss will be, dun think i'll sweep the floor for them man =p
went to the team hope training after that, a very simple and short one, but hope everyone really learnt something from it. i think i'm very blessed to be able to work with dasmond, a great leader, very approachable... kinda fatherly hahaha....
saw some ppl there... nicole was very excited.. she introduced me to some of my new cg members.. hmm... well actually a bit funny.. we'll see how next week.
saw wenjun too... hey am really glad to see him.. will definitely spend more time with him in the future.. that will be fun =)
after that i joined some of the guys again.. jus, bao, joe, eugene and hendra.. hendra made a really funny comment during the dinner hahaha... we were talking about advent and some animation... apparently he mistook 'gan cheong king' with 'kay-poh boy'... hahahaa maan.. i almost choked on my food.. it's just so fun having him around =)
oh well i have to admit.. this week that just passed was definitely not the best for me.. all of us can be tired.. can fall.. for sure.. i feel tired myself too.. with everything.. spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically is definitely a yes especially on sat nite.. but i know one thing for sure, God will and is giving me strength. there's no ending to it.. so i can just ride on His strength right? i have to. i want to.
i need to sleep early.. i need to sleep..
*livi* 10:18 PM
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005
working makes you fat. why? because as you sit down and type whole day, you'll indulge in rum and raisin chocolates, biscuits, sweets.. oh well or is it just me? =p
anyway blessed i am, received 2 bars of my fave ritter sport last nite. guys.. thank you thank you ^^
plus the long awaited Final Fantasy VII- Advent Children from justin... waaaaaaaaaaaa... ooh gosh it must be square's best production.. check out the graphics.. tifa is just stunning.. cloud is.... waaa..... ok am speechless.. even small characters like rude and reno look cool as well.. i haven't finished watching cos last nite came home too late, will explore more tonight. unbelievable. a must watch for all FF fans!
ehem ok apart from that, last nite was a great one indeed. we finally had our team hope appreciation and training nite (one more to go this sunday), though it's not as grand as what most ppl expected, i felt very appreciated as well especially when claudia shared her message, 'yah everyone is so important that church will be in big chaos if all of us are to be raptured now' whatever that you do unto the Lord, it matters. i won't be surprised if those ppl who clean the toilet bowls every sat get more rewards than me in heaven =)
one reminder: we are doing spiritual thing, not just an act of ministry.. sets of tasks. cannot forget that.
a few funny things:
- dasmond said we'll have another appreciation end of the year, maybe dinner and dance hahahaha.... amusing. i wonder if i need to go, guess depends on what i'll be doing in sunday ss
- at first i completely forgot about my mm duty for the night, got problems with my memories these days. anyway, i enjoyed it though it was just a few simple slides
- the reaction of other service managers and team leaders from adult when dasmond announced i'll be transfering over to their side AND their reaction when he said i may not want to continue serving in this line.. oops.. am i a betrayer??
next. celebrated mei's bday at s-11. oh she dropped the strawberry and reagan ruined the shape of the cake haha.. we gave her the taylor at the end of the day.. waa happening.. for her sake i won't say what happened =) anyway it was really a nice guitar and i'm pretty sure she'll treasure it more than many other things that she has. remember your vision ^^
*livi* 1:01 PM
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Sunday, September 11, 2005
woah bloated. just got back from a nice full dinner at chomp chomp. very last min actually, more because of we're kinda bored at home. under shirls' tearful persuasion :p tbk agreed to come and pick us up (plus roy and stan). surprisingly we managed to get a table quite easily, ordered sting ray (see.. i fulfilled my promise of this treat haha), satay, oyster omelette (heh stan ordered too many of it), mutton soup.. the food just filled the whole table.
pros: full, fun, satisfied
cons: smelly, fat, broke
it seems like most ppl that i talk to these few days claim that they are very broke. yes i think i can be in the list soon, considering how much money i spent on gifts and food this month. i should start eating bananas and water. but certain things are just worth to be spent on.
on reagan's recommendation, i went to this italian restaurant near hrc with mei on fri night, gave her a nice early bday treat =) she got held up in office, but i wanted to give this no matter how late it was. well the good thing is while i waited, i could do some shopping for the bday ppl this month, it's funny that i had to make a list on paper and referred to it as i shopped.
oh well, all in all we did enjoy the late dinner and of course we had to close the day with choc ice cream hahaaa.... hmm i think we really know how to enjoy life.
anyway, happy bday mei.. you've been a great sheep n friend, be good to your new shepherd ok =p
we celebrated jem's bday on sat as well, it's plain funny. the cake was discovered by him (by the way, it's oreo cheese.. waaaa....); tp group was celebrating someone's bday somewhere around us and they sang a thunderous bday song, blown us away.. but they sang for the twins at the end as well. so nice of them =)
hrmmm i must have been out of my mind cos i made a love confession again hahahahaaaaa....
*livi* 9:22 PM
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Friday, September 09, 2005
everybody jump around in the house of God!
happening. God was in the metamorphosis concert last nite! though it's messy here and there hahaa.. (nope.. actually for 4 ppl to play and quite a new one, it was very good already, just that of course errmm much to improve as well ^^)
oh well but doesn't really matter.. it was high. i think those on stage jumped and jumped til their legs became jelly.. the free worship was very ministering as well. quite amazed to see so many ppl praising and worshipping like that. i had fun jumping too =)
the ending was funny man. three cheers for reagan who claimed to receive a revelation from God, played 'tell the world' intro out of nowhere, right after the closing prayer... gave the singers, musicians, and of course shirls a shock hahaa... since the ppl were clapping, they had no choice but to sing that song (which was not planned at all). such an impromptu praise.. but it was good, turned out well.. so we decided to keep him alive. hahaha.... guess he didn't want to end the concert.
i was there to check if my teams were ok as well. himyi, first time leading and did very well! well thank God for the security, willing to do all the 'guarding'... and of course the ever faithful housekeeping team who stayed back to clear up the party poppers..
and today they're at nexus doing spring cleaning! pity i can't be there. so i think we can expect nexus shining tmw? =p
***
just a thought.
how can a person's mood change in seconds? how can a word make such an impact to a life, may it be good or bad? how can someone frown and cry now yet smile the next minute? how to explain God's given emotions? how to know what another person's thinking? how to know what God's thinking? how to explain God's abundant grace? how can a person feeling crap without a reason.. well maybe with a reason, but not a very reasonable one? how can a person possibly say one word and do another? how can God be so faithful beyond my comprehension? how to understand people around us? how does God work? in my life? what lies in store? does what i want equal to what God wants?
incomprehensible.
i don't understand, but it doesn't matter. keep thinking will only make me bald, not to mention added frowns, panda eyes.. and that is no good. sometimes it's good to be ignorant, all i need is plain faith and assurance. haha if only i can fully attain that >_<
last question... why must women have to go through agony every month.. arrggghh.... eve, look what you've done??!?
*livi* 5:08 PM
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005
hrmmm.... i am tired. suddenly the time moves very very slow. fighting with morpheus a lot these few days, it seems like not even whole day sleep is enough for me. there can only be one cause for this, the battle in my mind. funny how it can drain me physically. i'm starting to wonder if i'm living in a real world or some virtual matrix thing. heh ok that's quite crap =p
my problem is i don't really trust human being ha ha.. hey that includes myself as well. the whole thing doesn't feel very believable. they are and will fail me, as how i will fail them too. alas, trust is the most basic element in all relationship with men but i don't really have it. it's hard.
but i do trust God. though satan is very smart, i won't give in to this one. He's real as He is, and His word is real.
hey suddenly this song came to my mind =) it can stick on you, it does on me.. just love it.
You're all I need
When I fall I feel Your hand
And Your love lights my way
I'll trust in You with all my days
And I'll sing forever
You gave Your life away for me
Jesus You are God and You will reign
Nothing I could do could ever say
How much I love You How much I love You
And if this world should fall and fade away
I will trust in You I'll always say
How much I love you How much I love you
You're all I know
You are the Truth there's no one else
And I'll stand for You
Cos you stood for me You set me free
And I'll sing forever
Your love is everything to me
How much - Youth Alive WA
***
it's been a week.
had a big fun quite noisy :p fruitful spt on sat night. the ministry drive list is out, and seeing the no of ppl joining just made me grin from ear to ear. met my team leaders again last nite, i think the level of crappiness in our meeting has increased. but nevertheless i know that they are excited with the new volunteers! i was very very blur though, mixed the meeting place at bugis with somerset, thus caused eevoon to make a double trip ..sorry =(
went down to joo chiat office on sun morning, we did a ministry survey and discussion. it's just a bad timing to think, all of us were brain dead. but we did complete it at the end haha though a lot of copy and paste.
missed the qt with the group at esplanade, but met them again in afternoon for a few rounds of dota (oook.. we are addicted). the place was quite dark that i kept pressing the wrong key.
monday night was the celebration for justin's bday, well a very early one. quite a no of ppl managed to show up, and we indulged in food, cakes and ice cream at nydc. it was not a very enjoyable dinner for me, cos i was too bloated at the end of the day hahaa.. couldn't stand straight and it's painful esp when they tried to make me laugh
-_- ... bao finished my choc cheesecake cos i really couldn't take it anymore no matter how nice it was T_T. shouldn't have eaten the pasta, sigh what a waste.
anywaay.. happy bday to justin.. all written on the card =) i appreciate you much brother and yes i do love your photos!! remember i've booked you already! =p
*livi* 12:30 PM
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Thursday, September 01, 2005
it's turning blue! aargh.. went for blood test just now, the doctor came out with this very strange type of needle.. i told him "well, so far all the docs that i've seen said that my vein's very hard to find". he replied to me "no.. that's not true, you have good vein, i can see it".
then he just poked the needle in, after a while "hmmm... your vein keeps running away, i have to change the needle" -_-"
he changed to syringe instead and man it's more painful than the previous one. it's turning blue now.. sigh.. i simply hate needles..
but you know what.. it doesn't matter.. cos my 28 months of agony, tears, stress, depression (ok may not be that bad) is over! wahahahaahahahahahahaaa......
God is faithful even when i am not, so i have to be more faithful to Him now. time for repentance. sometimes you just come to a point that you don't really feel like praying cos you think that God's not listening. well, actually he always does.
phew.. what a stretch. i think i can say that i've fought a good fight =)
Many times I do forget
Every need that You have met
Oh thank You Lord, I know You're showing me
You are there when I am down and out
You're holding me, Your love is so amazing
Oh it changed me
I could have died in my sin but You saved me
Didn't have any hope at all
You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on
Amazing grace, it's more than just a song
Even though I don't deserve Your love for me
You look beyond my fault and You showed me mercy
listening >> thank You - the katinas
i may blog lesser in future, cos writing on the diary that the gals gave me has proven to be more fun.. it's hard to maintain both private n public journal =p
*livi* 4:48 PM
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