Sunday, October 30, 2005
i want to be mary.sometimes being alone (not lonely) is good. i have been martha for so long that i think i forgot how it felt to be quiet and still in God, just being.. mary.
what have i been doing seriously? i wonder why. i'm definitely not saying that doing many things for God is bad, but there are just many times that we serve and forget to stop for 'the one' that we are serving. i'm losing the point.
i want to do a lot of things for God.. managing event support, media, leading any role in cg, playing guitar.. anything.. but i think He prefers me to sit down and have a nice chat with Him above anything else.. before anything else.
prayer has to be deliberate. and we ought to make that effort.
listening >> throne of praise - don moen
i still love You and You deserve more.
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Friday, October 28, 2005
another sleepy day, thanks YS for giving me some slaps just now, but the splashing cold water was quite uncalled for actually >_<i've just done some blogs reading and somehow i can identify with a lot of ppl.. hmm.. all the problems are similar. the diff between us is i'm not that open to share, i'm a careful blogger haha.. personal things go to my personal diary book (yes apart from this blog i do have a handwritten journal)
i just love to put my thoughts down, in case one day i got hit by a car and have amnesia =p
Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
oh well i think the education part is not true..
What does being a friend really mean to you?
You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.
hahahah so interesting... so precise. i like personality tests ^^
listening >> surrender - lincoln brewster
i'm addicted.
P.S. bleach lover, you are in for a treat. i've just read the manga (unable to resist it) expect A LOT of surprises along the way... very very exciting man..
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005
a night full of dots.this is funny. yesterday when i was happily working in office (as i was playing literati aka scrabble with jus at the same time =p ), shirls messaged me if i was free to accompany her for some missions shopping.
ok the story goes like this, more or less:
livi: dun want.. it's monday, i wanna go home and zZz, tired...
shirls: meeeeeeet me...
livi: give me a good reason...
shirls: i treat you for dinner, good food! and i'll pay 10% for your shopping too...
livi: hrmmmm... okk la..
so i took bus all the way to Parkway Parade, a place that i haven't been to for very long (or at least it felt that way), that place was actually quite memorable.. the days of 'christian indonesian maid', the foodcourt after cg, etc etc. anyway, i almost had my 4th sakae of the month, but at the end we decided to go for thai food instead. after eating.....
shirls: oops... i forgot to withdraw money, my wallet is empty..
and she looked at me.
the waitress came and said: we do not accept nets, only cash and credit card
and she looked at me.
livi: ......................................................................
so i took out my wallet and paid for the meal. felt so cheated -_-
done with our meal, we're off for shopping.. well actually only her, i was just dragging my feet especially my stomach started to give me problem. then i saw the ATM!
livi: hey.. let's go that side...
shirls: (apparently she saw the ATM too) no no... let's go the other side!
and she dragged me away from the ATM
livi: ......................................................
huuur at the end i didn't buy anything for myself (unless you count the soyabean), there goes my 10% voucher from shirls. BUT before we went home, i managed to 'kidnap' shirls ATM card and helped myself with it, at least she had to pay me back for the meal right? =p now you know that we are very loving.. hahahahah...
met eelee on the bus and we shared 'ghost stories' along the journey home. that's funny. i was telling them the mystery of bus 100 that i take to office everyday. there's this seat on the bus (second from the back, right side) that i sit on EVERY morning without fail, even when the bus is full, that seat always remain empty, as if specially set aside for me. shirls n eelee said maybe the other passengers see someone occupying the seat, someone that i DO NOT see.
............................................................
got ghost early in the morning meh??
the biggest dot came from my dad actually, he did something unbelievably ridiculous last night. sigh. >_<
oh i gave the guys some dots too.. hahah last nite when we just started the dota, i chose bounty hunter, someone that is so NOT me. so jon and jus were saying things like waa.. you know how to use ah?? she's pro liao.. must have prac already.. must have been reading the dotaportal a lot etc etc.. but i stayed in the shop for quite long and finally asked jon "what should i buy yah?"
hahahahaha... jon gave me a lot of dots..... maybe he fainted. LOL.
ok enough crap, i got work to do. heh.
thinking>> why must cg change to wed? aiyo...
listening >> The Return of the King - London Philharmonic Orchestra
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
just came back from a nice jog again.. and i'm feeling good back on track hahah.. been very very lazy (i have to admit), but the thought of choc ice cream and fries that i consumed few hours before motivated me a lot to wear my shoes and made a trip to the stadium =panyway it has been a good weekend. we had cg on fri night, quite a challenge for me to prac last min for the pnw, a pleasure to work with ee fuang. haven't played for very long, when we reached the last song (which is the 5th song), my fingers were practically.. in pain LOL. oh well good thing the holy com was cancelled, so i didn't need to play the 6th song hahaa must pluck some more, bao was torturing me.
we prayed a lot.. and played quite a violent game.. and guess what.. i lost so they sabo-ed me.. i wonder why.. everywhere i go, every caregroup i'm in, i always lose in games >_<
woke up late on sat, felt dead. i had eye infection again and the doc cost me quite a bomb sigh. eevoon did a good job in floor managing (must give her a clap) she's into it liao. with this i can see my days in youth ss are really numbered >_<
went out a while with some of the ywam guys, guo asked me a stupid question -_-
anyway after that met junyao and jem, i was really glad to see jem, doing alright yah hahah
woke up late again today (wat is wrong with me?) but i was not very late for ss, on time for praise. the sermon was in darkness, so interesting. the only lights came from the stage spotlight and candles on lampstand. was quite hard to write the notes though hahah..
after lunch we had brainstorming for xmas unit event, had to come out with a skit. i think it's very exciting man.. cos we're going to do the snow white and 7 dwarfs story and i think i got the perfect role hahaha.... me, weiling, susi and bao went to swensens to pamper ourselves, and that's where all the funny ideas for the script came out. anyway it's actually an event for outreach, so besides thinking how to act, i should think who to bring also. that's the tough one.
last but not least happy bday to haydee ^^
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
what a good sound can do.amazing. i just bought a new set of earphones (to replace my pathetic speakers in office), it really makes a huge difference haha now i can just blast the music without worries. anyway, i realized that with a good sound quality, a song can be so different. all the instruments are so clear.. acoustic, violin, flute, keyboard.. not to mention the vocals.. aaah.. nice >_<
suddenly i don't feel sleepy in office anymore hahaah what a good investment. i just have to take note of the surrounding more, cos i can hardly hear anything else with the music on.
i was just talking with qianjin about 'your grace still amazes me' by philips,craig & dean. really have to thank the sun worship team for bringing that powerful song back to my mind last sunday. it's been quite some time that i've forgotten how meaningful the song is (not to mention great music to support). think back again, it's the one and only song that made me kneel down and cry before in my own worship time. honestly, i do cry a lot but i don't kneel, it was only that one time. well i guess i just couldn't argue with God's grace after all. deeper, wider, stronger, higher than anything-
last night i had my third sakae meal of this month =p
went out with mei, we had a very funny conversation LOL. it left me to think, you know, usually ppl say it's hard to understand women (temperamental and contradicting creature) but i think it's equally hard to comprehend guys, the things that they think and do. hmm so i guess in short, it's hard to understand one another, no wonder it's tough to live together in this world but that's what makes life interesting haha... oh well understanding God is even harder yah.. maybe it's better not to understand too much after all.
listening>> Flood (Remix)- Jars of Clay
this song keeps me awake cos it's just too kewl~
• • • • •
Monday, October 17, 2005
"I will follow You.... this world has nothing for me" this exact sentence taken from 'rescue' by don moen keeps on playing like a broken record in my mind today that it has become a distraction haha.. very strong sentence.. this world has nothing for me. hmm i wonder.
attended my first sub-D prayer meet on fri night, there were quite a lot of ppl. the whole prayer session reminded me a lot of outreaching, evangelism, winning souls. something that somehow i've forgotten. christmas is coming really fast, we have to start doing something.
sat was a very fruitful day. woke up early and attended the morning worship (been quite some time), had breakfast with himyi and dasmond.. service was quite packed with the p6 students..
cg had bbq event in the afternoon, so susi came to pick me up at nexus.. yah she's back and thanks to her, now i have a new anklet.. haha.. i love anklet.. or i should say i love accessories =p
anyway as we were talking, suddenly we craved for holland's provence bread, so at the end we decided to take bus 7 there.. it's been ages.. holland.. more than a year now.. anyway we're so happy when we stepped into provence, the cheesebread with sesame is simply our all time fave. too bad wenjun had filming and couldn't join us, he's another provence faithful supporter.
after saying goodbye to holland.. we proceeded on to bt batok, met the rest of the group there and went to ying soon's place together. a good time of talking.. eating.. taking pics (susi is our new photographer).. well i managed to bbq really nice satay (i was the satay gal) =p but bao was indeed the most hardworking one..
thanks puay for the potato salad, you're still as skillful as last time, but next time don't put too many onions ok >_<
my new cg... ooh noo can't see gerlyn's face....
few ppl were not there.. think again the cg is quite big.. hmm...
ok now we can see her.. =p
• • • • •
Saturday, October 15, 2005
shirls has chosen her own funeral song. she just told me that i must remember to arrange for someone to sing "when it's all been said and done" by James A.Cowan during her funeral. well you can find the song in Don Moen's 'Thank You Lord' album as well. it's a MUST. so ppl, please remind me when that day comes, that is if i don't die first...
P.S. it's not a depressing song, it's very meaningful.. erm especially to be sung at the end of one's life =)
• • • • •
Friday, October 14, 2005
when God doesn't answer prayeri was just thinking about this. one of my ex-grandsheep sent me a message some days ago, asking me to help her pray for her dad as he was in deep coma. it was late at night, i dropped everything that i was doing and went for a time of prayer. i know that she loves her dad so much and boldly asked God for a miracle. around 4 am in the morning, i was awaken by her message saying that he has passed away. i know that she's still devastated now and she's wondering if God can take her in his place instead, especially that her life has been really tough lately.
God doesn't answer our prayer all the time, but i know that everything works together for our good. it may seem ridiculous, but for whatever that He has taken, He will replace it with something else. i remember few years back when my grandpa was on his death-bed, i received the news on sat morning when i had to do my duty in ss, i was really sad that i cried and cried, germs was there, i remember she gave me that hug, i remember ash and charl holding my hands and prayed for me. but the biggest comfort came during worship when we sang 'for all you've done' yeah for all that He has done, for all that He's going to do, I will still give Him praise, for I know that all things work together for my good.
we do not live in a world where everything goes our way, and i know it's terrible to lose certain things in our lives, but we still have to hang onto God, cos if we don't have Him as well, we have nothing. NOTHING.
meanwhile we have to start to appreciate the ppl around us, parents.. friends. if they die tomorrow, will you have any regrets?
Note: my grandpa did pull through, not only that he's alive and kicking now, he's received God as a part of his life as well. the prayer. guess i was the blessed one =)
• • • • •
Thursday, October 13, 2005
i was on msn with meihwa aka abigail. she said something that i believe she is regretting a lot now, cos i can threat her with it hahaaha... this is part of our conversation (i did some copy n paste), which i find very amusing:keep walking says:
ooh you're trying to change the topic.... if dun want me to post that on bulletin and my blog.. must bribe me with a dark chocolate
hehehehee (evil laughter)
AbigaiL: ------------------ says:
you are as kind as the angel
as sweet as the candy
as slim as the snake
as pretty a the rose
you are as wise as solomon
as gracious as jesus
as kindhearted as Mother teresa
as righteous as Mandela~
AbigaiL: ------------------ says:
livi melinda
you
dead meat
you'll get it from me
dun liddat la
i was of good intention
wanted to brighten up your day
and you ..
repay good with evil
how can you do this
cannot ma...
bible says...
love one another... and dun repay good with evil ma...
but i am evil.. hahahahah.... see my two horns coming out. oh well at least i didn't post the whole story =p
anyway thanks for brighten up my afternoon.. sigh.. i think i'm crapping.. i'm tired again.. i have no idea what i have been doing, or worse, what i have been saying.
i wanna go home, hug my danielle and sleep. forget about everything.. rest my eyes and sleep....
• • • • •
Monday, October 10, 2005
sad. really sad.i just found out yet another person has left the church, i am slow considering that it's been quite some time actually. sigh.
think again i won't be able to play guitar as how i am now if not for this person last time. no matter what i am still thankful.
i was really feeling very tired on sat, it's one of the few days that i have migraine. but of course i couldn't say no to wenjun's invitation for sakae (again) haha.. mandy was there too and i think we ate A LOT. another hole to my pocket. anyway it was a great time spent. i think we had a very serious conversation over the dinner table, real issues in life, what it means to be an adult and to live in the world (where there are really many unpleasant ppl and situations around). what a blessing that no matter what we still have church covering. funny huh. wenjun seems to be so mature now =o
oh well.. it is good not to crap once in a while. i will be waiting for his promise to cook a spread for us when susi's back =p
we walked around a while, helped mandy to choose a cool wristband kind of bracelet. i decided to pamper myself as well, bought a necklace with a very nice pendant of a musical note aka towgay. loving it.. besides what is life without music?
woke up late for ss on sun (ok shoot me), was thinking of certain things before i slept the night before, and man i had nightmare cos of that.. someone scolded me, it hurts, i cried but the person didn't show any compassion, the worst part of the dream is this someone is the last person that i want to scold me.
ok putting aside everything i had an amazing time in ss believe it or not. it gave me a lot to think and bring home, the sermon from ps dinah was a really good one, with all the testimonies inserted here and there, it blew my mind again.. wow what a wonderful God we have that these things could happen. this is reality, real ppl with real stories. i enjoyed the altar call worship, not just because the keyboard was truly melting (though it did contribute) but it's really the worship.
celebrated ying fang's bday *happy birthday~ if you're reading this*
did some walking after lunch, eve and weiling gave some skin care tips to me and shufen, plus bao =p i think it's amusing.
after a nap in the afternoon, i met reagan, ron and rz for a chompchomp dinner. another spread. stupid me took the wrong bus home hahaha... made one big round.
i wonder if my life is all about food.. well having meal together is the best way of fellowship anyway right?
• • • • •
Saturday, October 08, 2005
hehe i took half day leave and woke up at 12 noon today. was feeling very tired n listless, whole body's aching.. i just knew i had to lie down on bed. it was a really nice sleep. if only i can do that everyday =pi was just watching 'one piece' again, and you know anime can seriously teach you some lessons about life. i'm not talking about being a pirate here, though some of you consider me as one -_- BUT one piece is really about loyalty and unity, chasing after dreams and perseverance. within more than 200 episodes, i can't count how many times i've cried cos it is just so heartwarming.. this whole 'nakama' thing. they have a dream.
sometimes i wonder how great it would be if i can join luffy's crew. i can be the cleaner.
ok back to reality, a man must have a dream and believe in it. nothing is too silly and nothing is impossible, even if the whole world is laughing at you.
• • • • •
Thursday, October 06, 2005
the power of encouragement2 frogs fell into a very deep hole. one was deaf while the other one was normal. both of them tried their best to jump out of the hole. soon after all the other frogs came and gathered around the hole and cheered them. at the end of the day only the deaf frog managed to jump out, the other frog lost all the motivation to jump and stuck in the hole forever. why?
because the truth is all the frogs did not cheer them up in a good way, they actually jeered at them, and said things like "you can never jump out"... oh well but the deaf frog couldn't hear, thinking that they were encouraging him instead.
sometimes just a simple belief from someone, encouragement.. can make a difference. =p
***
good dinner outside for 2 nights in a row.. ok my saving up plan failed already haha..
esmond kindly offered his service and drove me n mei to meet reagan at geylang, that place really got a lot of food man. i was telling them that it's just scary and funny that nowadays our conversation revolves around work, boss, payday, comparing whose job is worse.. a few years back we were still talking about school, lecturers, classmates.. geez time flies.. es said in another few years we will start talking about marriage, and another few more years we'll talk about kids.. sigh true.. heh..
last nite i went to meet nicole, susi has gone too long so nic decided to feed me with some emergency grass first haha.. we went to sakae! =p
i think i spent almost the whole dinner time laughing at myself. well somehow she managed to get me dig all my secrets out willingly hahaha... well on the expense of her own stories and secrets too. fair exchange.
i know a lot of ppl are reading my blog so i won't say anything more than this >_<
anyway it was a good time spent. she understands. God's way is the best way.
listening >> buble.. nice.
• • • • •
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
thought of the day-i was doing some calculation and it dawned upon me that i do not have any savings. sigh.. whatever that i receive each month will be all used.. and this is not good. not that i don't want to save up, but sometimes you know.. you just need to spend. medical fee.. dental fee.. home appliances hmm.. daily necessities.. spent a bomb on food.. gifts.. hrmm upgrading my pc.. bills.. and this thing came to my mind.. church building fund. yah once again this thought just came to me: can i skip my cbf this month? if only i don't need to give...
geez.. how can i be so stingy with God when i can spend a lot on myself and others? God is not stingy with me, think again.. that cbf is nothing compared to what He has and is and will give me. giving to God can be so hard at times but i just have to do the right thing. and willingly >_<
maybe i should cut my expenses on food. hahah... need to go on diet anyway.
oh well~ weekend.. attended services.. hmm for the first time i went home so early on sat, funny haha but i maximised it with a good rest. i wanna thank few ppl that have been so sweet these few days, showing care and concern which actually no need la =p (to avoid embarrassment i won't say names) by calling/sms/msn and someone even came down to my house to accompany me.. just to say hi and ask how i am. it feels really warm inside =)
i made a prayer for emotional breakthrough during ps ben's altar call, i really hate it when emotions get over me, especially the not so good ones. it's scary how i can think of all the negative sides of situations and people.
monday has always been a tiring day, so after work i went back to watch some anime, soon fell asleep and woke up to realize that i missed the 'top model' argghh, received some missed calls plus msn messages asking me for dota wahaha... after one week rest (not counting the 1v1 with guo on sunday thanks to jon who bluffed me grrrr), it's hard to reject the offer. couldn't really sleep after that so decided to touch my guitar again.. until 3 am.. oops. =p
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