Wednesday, March 29, 2006
a thought again..
i am in media team and i love what i'm doing but i thought to myself.. should i go for more? video production? editing?
i saw the choir recruitment in bulletin and i thought.. should i go for it?
i think i can sing in tune, i know a lot of songs and i can memorize lyrics easily...
i was in the ss and i thought.. will i be able to do stage managing once again?
i was listening to some songs and practising my guitar then i thought.. it will be great if i can keep on improving and have a higher goal like playing on stage one day..
well that one is harder, considering that i can't even tune my guitar properly now.
i saw the people around and i thought.. i want to bring more lost sheep.. i wanna be a shepherd.. i wanna lead again..
why do i want so many things?
livi.. you are so greedy.... what's your motive?
*livi* 5:06 PM
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Sunday, March 26, 2006
my eyes are badly swollen.. haven't cried so hard for so long..
oh man... i have just finished my 102,120 seconds of 'monster' nightmare, it really gave me a mixture of feelings, it made my heart beat so fast..
i was scared and sad.. people were dying.
there's a monster inside us.. darkness..
how could someone make such a brilliant anime?
anime.. yes i am talking about 'monster', 74-eps anime. it may be weird, i may be crazy.. but sometimes anime is like a dream but yet it made me think. what a story...
gosh i spent too much time staring at my pc today.. way too much that it's starting to give me headache now.. i need to rest soon.
before that maybe i'll just share a bit bout the prayer meet. the night before, one of my old acquaintance suddenly msn me, i didn't really remember him actually. anyway he was just saying hi and trying to start a conversation, so we chatted, after a while there's this voice in my mind...
this is it.. sow on him.. invite him.. share to him..
so i did.. i tried to make it as natural as possible hahah.. invited him to our next easter matthew event and though he has not really agreed, he was quite open and i think he'll say yes ^^
besides that, i've found an opportunity to contact 2 of my old friends again, i know it won't be easy to get them to come.. very very hard.. but at least i'll try. yeah even if i can't reap the harvest at the end, at least i should scatter some seeds.
eeh that sounds quite faithless.. lolx.. i gotta do more so that i can reap the harvest!
the prayer meet at TCT was great, i left the place as if i just had 2.4 run, perspired like mad. we praised, we worshipped, we prayed like nobody's business. isn't it great to be around ppl who have same heart for God?
evangelism. yeah that's the word.
it was a great night, well maybe except for one thing.. before we left.. ps jeff, claudia and ps dinah all commented that i have gained weight (T_T)
sigh.. nevermind.. God is still good.. weight doesn't matter hahahaha...
i'm hungry.. but i think i'll just sleep now~
*livi* 2:03 AM
• • • • •
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Jesus promised those who would follow Him only three things.. that they would be absurdly happy, entirely fearless, and always in trouble.
- Gregg Levoy
i have been thinking a lot again. where's my switch off button??
the only way is to find myself more and more things to do.. but i know it isn't the best way.. sounds like running away.
'Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own'
coming up tonight: hotel buffet.. gosh.. i may hit 50 kg soon.
*livi* 6:01 PM
• • • • •
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
there's more to life than chasing down every temporary high...
i see...
people who are learning how to play dota so that they can reach out to more people;
people who are hanging out together so that they can inspire and spur one another more;
people who are reading and memorizing the word so that it will be applicable to them and even share it with others- to encourage and remind;
people who are learning how to play guitar so that they can minister people better in cg pnw;
people who are working to their best in office so that they can be salt and light to colleagues;
people who are learning new skills so that they can contribute more to the church;
people who are exercising to keep fit and have more energy for all the ministries need to be done;
people who are signing up for classes to get to know more people and sow on them;
people who are earning money so that they can bless more people with it;
people who are resting for the sake of the long run in the race.
sounds very out of the world, but think again it is true.
last nite some TP folks came to my place with nel, they were learning dota together and one of the guys (alvin) wanted to learn how to play guitar. since i was just around them, i decided to take a look and helped out in teaching, or you can just say i was being kay-poh =p
anyway, it's quite hard for me to believe that i could do it. i'm not that experienced but i realized that somehow i was able to give some very basic guidelines, basically i was just passing what jason has taught me to alvin. nel commented that i can be a good teacher as i was patient and detailed. waaa... ok she made me happy.... and proud.. oh no.. dong dong..
speaking of which, mei has agreed to teach me!! then we can prac together too.. this is great ^^
listening >> reflections of passion - yanni (live at the acropolis)
13 yrs and i am still loving it.
*livi* 5:52 PM
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Monday, March 20, 2006
i'm closing my johari, it's about time anyway. not going to post all the answers given, but this is the conclusion from 20 ppl who contributed to it (in order):
- cheerful
- reflective
- sentimental
- relaxed
- accepting
i was surprised that most people think of me as a cheerful person, cos seriously i don't think i really am...
my own answers are:
- reflective
- sentimental
- relaxed
- calm
- trustworthy
anyway it's amusing to see the different answers given by each person =)
yesterday.. lolx.. went to food fair at suntec which was quite disappointing, couldn't find crab that we're all craving for. coming out of the place feeling very smelly and greasy, we walked around marina sq for a while.. then went to join the others for pool, played a few rounds with shuz, so fun.
hmm ended the day with a super long dinner cos we played truth or dare. pris is really an amusing person.. errr.. i think i end my blog here. hahahaa.. oh man.. what a weird night...
*livi* 2:11 PM
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Saturday, March 18, 2006
i had a dream last night, it was the weirdest of all. so so real.
suddenly i remember one of steven's quote that he mentioned in the media class (dvd), something about others may have better clothes or better food, but those who have peace of God will have better sleep.
well, i think i had a good sleep, it's just that.. the dreams.. hmm... hahaa.. hard to explain.
anyway, i went out with shufen last nite, being sheepmates for 2 yrs but yet it was the first time we had one on one date.. had a good short shopping, dinner and talk. actually she's more talkative than me.. haha.
the truth is i enjoy one on one outing more than anything, cos it's only then that we can have deeper conversation and fellowship. it's impossible to build real relationship if we always hang out in a big group. i don't believe in mere activities, it's the sharing of words (aka communication) that matters.
there has to be a meaning in things that i do. investing in lives.
today's a fruitful one! i just finished a lesson on graphic design, very basic knowledge but interesting nevertheless. colours, balancing, grounds, fonts and such.. it's always good to learn.
besides that, i managed to find some chords online and prac a few new songs as well. can't help to think that bao and susi have high expectations for the cg pnw and as i'm not a very qualified guitarist YET, gotta spend more time in practising.
i wonder how to have breakthrough in this area...
*livi* 9:45 PM
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
horror.. my first mm duty last sunday and i was late for 45 minutes, all thanks to the pianist...
you can imagine how i screamed when i woke up to see the time (7.45 am) ... i was supposed to be in nexus at 730!!
ook actually it's my own fault.. not pianist. didn't have the chance to watch the movie last time so when i found out that it was going to be on tv, obviously i didn't want to miss it.. and it ended very late.
somehow the movie reminded me again that human can be so inhuman at times, actually even until today. it's scary. where's your heart.. your conscience?
oh well.. back to mm, thank God i was not fired and they didn't scold me too ><
reached before prayer meet time and did a very short preparation, surprisingly pris let me do the slides for 1st ss too, i think i was very excited hahaa.. learnt a great deal from her that day.
i had lunch with the media cg.. hey that's wenjun's cg.. lolx.. anyway after that i rejoined my cg and some of us accompanied junhuang to search for a guitar. he managed to find one thank God..
we went to IT fair for a while and dinner at carl's. it's the first time samuel joined us for outing on sun, can see that timothy and him are very close now =p
hope ppl are everywhere! well at least we kept bumping into hoppies on sunday.. haha.. isn't that great?
another thought - pride.
encouragement is good, affirmation is good. but too many can cause pride in us.. sometimes. though we don't show it, though it's just in the mind or heart.. gosh.. it's not easy to have real humility, we all love to be praised after all, we all love to do well on certain things and making sure others know about our achievements.. our contributions.
giving the glory back.. gotta thank God all the time.. not me.. not me..
listening >> holy is the lamb: bridge - generation unleashed
only for You...
*livi* 6:13 PM
• • • • •
Saturday, March 11, 2006
saturday at home
i realized that there are many things i can do in my room. it's funny that before i had this concept of 'staying at home during weekends' is a sad thing. understandable, we work from mon-fri, weekends are blessing. to remember how my life was before i started working, everyday was holiday.. terrible. pls don't think that having nothing to do (not studying, not working) is a good thing. i've been through it, trust me. anyway it has made me want to go out all the time, finding friends, finding activities.
i need to save up. the thai camp in apr, the adults camp in june, the cbf, the bills.. maybe that's one reason why i wanna stay more at home nowadays. another reason should be simply because i want to rest. a peace of my own.. and sat is just the perfect day.
waking up late, cleaning up the house, listening to my fave songs, watching all the anime that has been lining up, practising my guitar, sometimes play dota lolx, reading some books, and yah enjoying my moment alone in the house.. reflecting on a lot of things and i can hear God's voice better. the best of all = to sleep. hahhaaa...
susi asked me before: "why do you want to go out all the time?"
i don't know. maybe i am scared of being alone? lonely? being left out? no life?
i still want to go out and hang out of course, i enjoy being with friends, but i have once again been reminded that my security doesn't come from this.
***
justin booked in liao. supposed to join the so called farewell dinner for him last nite, but alas it clashed with the music prac. speaking of which, it was very interesting. pris (from mm) taught me how to prepare the slides, procedures and such.
it's just amazing when she said:"see you on sunday morning 730 am"
better put a few alarm clocks later.
yingfang asked me to join her and the worship team for supper after that, it was on time as i was feeling so hungry considering that i skipped my lunch and dinner. sitting in a very long table, it's ermm interesting (cannot find a better word) =p
managed to talk to justin a while on msn though, we created a new hero for dota, called banana-man. i guess it's just one of our cranky days.. the conclusion of our discussion:
level 1: take banana (gives you haste aura, erm.. passive?)
level 2: peel banana (enemy steps on it and falls down.. stuns for few seconds)
level 3: eat banana (heals your hp)
level 4: throw banana (throws 1000 bananas to enemy.. errmm.. maybe up to 900 DMG?)
powerful indeed. and his most suitable item is definitely... monkey king bar! (obviously)
HAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA...... so hilarious..
ehem.. sorry this is quite an internal joke hahahahaaa....
i'm tired of laughing.. hehee.. genius.
listening >> through her eyes - dream theater
*livi* 8:24 PM
• • • • •
Friday, March 10, 2006
A man appears before the pearly gates (meaning = dead)
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St.Peter asks.
"Well, i can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once I came upon a gang of high testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattoed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, "Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me."
St.Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"A couple of minutes ago."
there is a big difference between faith and foolishness. we gotta be wise and discern God's call. hmmm...... a thought.
listening >> my sacrifice - creed
behind everything that we do and give, there's a value, a meaning. not a loss.
*livi* 3:59 PM
• • • • •
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
went out with susi last nite for a nice meal at miss clarity, an exteremely girly cafe but the price is reasonable. we saw a very energetic and friendly waitress there and mind you, she is the kind that makes you feel happy just by looking at her, very bubbly.
me and susi were wondering if we could get to know her and bring her to church one day hahaaa.. but at the end we didn't. hmm maybe we should go back there more and find an opportunity to sow on her.
anyway, it was a good time with her, we talked a lot or maybe i talked a lot. it only came upon us that she will be my shepherd for 2 years by end of this month, time flies.. and so far, she's my longest shepherd.
she shared on how unwilling she was to take me as a sheep when i just came to ywam >< ... so funny man.. was i really that intimidating?
title doesn't matter, whether you are a cl, ul, sdl or watever, once you transfer to a new group and put under a new authority from God, we have to submit. but i'm glad to be put under her, a good companion also =)
oh at last i went for munich on monday with weiling, jus and jx. WL's so scared of bombs while jus is quite right the opposite. he's excited with the blood and violence everywhere hahaha.. i thought jx fell asleep again though.
i gotta admit that bana (not banana) is worth the watching.
another thought
am i a very demanding person? did i ask for a lot of things? maybe i am cos i think i did.
i feel so blessed as God put so many people around who's willing to bear with me, with my requests.
jus has finally sketched me out (the one that looks like jap school gal), really love it man. it's funny how i can be portrayed so gentle that some ppl just don't really believe it's me. anyway, you need to know me a lot more to see that part of mine. apart from that, apparently he thinks that i am always hungry that he has to put the words down -_-"
all in all, it's a good sketch, thanks jus! *grinning from ear to ear*
gotta thank david also.. willing to come down to my place so late just to change my guitar strings. have to man.. or the first ng8b4 cg tonight will be in acapella and baowei will strangle me =p
the truth is in my years of playing, this is the first time i actually broke a string, guess i was too excited in practising.. and yup.. i knew nothing about changing strings and tuning guitar... i managed to learn few things from him last nite though, so just gotta prac and experiment with it more.
listening >> He (acoustic version) - jars of clay
*livi* 12:25 PM
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Monday, March 06, 2006
http://kevan.org/johari?name=keepwalking
what's with the johari window? haha.. everyone wants to find out what others think about them. well, after doing the so called personality test for so many ppl, i've decided to make one for myself. just for fun, no harm in it anyway.
so if you happen to know me and feeling very free, do click on the link and evaluate me k.
actually there's another link for weaknesses evaluation, but i think it's better not to do that one for me. i can imagine answers like naggy, violent, selfish, grumpy, insecure coming out and i will end up feeling terrible.. hahahaa... oh well ~
if you really want to tell me, tell me upfront and lovingly =p
received sms that once again made my day. mm duty for ss! yay!
it's amazing how a simple sms on asking me to come down for music prac can make me so happy. is it because this is a new ministry to me? did i feel this way whenever i did floor/stage managing week in and out last time? did i keep the candle burning, kept the passion and joy in serving no matter how many years has passed?
i guess it's good to try new things and challenge myself again after all. this is the way that i choose.. and i can feel so much excitement and anticipation within.
susi has been challenging me a lot on pastoral side as well.. ok i know that i have been slacking. shoot me. i will go out and find a sheep, i will do it man.
note: i really like 'all the earth' by parachute band, any kind soul willing to give me the chords? been looking for it like mad and i'm not good in figuring it out myself.
not mp3, not lyrics, i want chords ^^
*livi* 5:01 PM
• • • • •
Sunday, March 05, 2006
tadaima..
it must be very strange, but that's the word that came to my mind during altar call worship today.
i'm home.
how can there be times that you think pnw is not good. what determines it? the band? the worship leader? the sound? maybe.
but i think it's the heart that matters. when it's right, every piece just fall into the right place.
the district cg on friday was great, don't know if it's just me, but there's something different, i prayed like never before, or maybe i have but i forgotten about it.
and i have to comment that today's ss was fantastic!!
gotta affirm the band and singers as well (not that they'll know =p), very talented and anointed ppl, truly led us to a greater height of worship. i was totally immersed in it..
maybe.. maybe.. all along it's really my heart problem. somehow.
heart is a strange thing. incomprehensible.
*livi* 5:20 PM
• • • • •
Friday, March 03, 2006
can't believe that i'm facing the same problem for years. i can somehow hear roy's voice in the back of my mind: "enjoy the process...."
i just came back from a meeting with ppl that i'm very dread of. had some talk and discussion, gosh reality is harsh... i have no idea what went through my mind and i have no idea what will happen. the minute that i walked out of the room, i really wanted to cry..
wanted to but i didn't.
i do not want to be weak.
i bit my lips.... took a deep breath.
susi mentioned about how this is the time for the group to pray for me again. it has somehow become one of fave prayer point for me thru-out these years.
i gotta admit that this whole thing made me feel totally crap... but.. not good enough to make me fall...
no way man.. you need a lot more to break me. a lot more.
God is here and i am standing on solid ground.
listening >> all the earth - parachute band
wonderful song... i will glorify and bless Your holy name
*livi* 3:59 PM
• • • • •
Thursday, March 02, 2006
one fine night.
after much planning, i met germs at cine for 'walk the line' last nite. got us good comfy seats, so far so good.. then the funny part came. my phone vibrated and i saw an unknown international number, well so i picked it up in my softest whisper "hello..."
it just happened that the theatre was the small one and filled with ppl whom i suspect didn't breathe.. it was so quieeeet... and this western lady in front of me suddenly turned back and stared at me. gasp.
the other side: "hello livi. hey.. why are you speaking so softly?"
me (tried my best to whisper even softer): "who is this?"
and the lady started to swing her hands around and make unfriendly gestures. fierce.
i found out that the call was from dewen and wenjun in india, and they were like hello livi hello livi at the other side.. and i didn't dare to reply.. didn't even dare to breathe.
germs (whispering): "who is that?"
me (whispering): "dewen and wenjun, from india"
and this time the lady's husband (yah they're a couple) faced back to us also. and germs my dear looked away and pretended not to know me -_-"
hahaha... so much for friendship...
anyway dw and wj realized that i couldn't talk, so they decided to end the call and sms me instead. man i felt quite bad, after their effort to call me.
the story didn't end there.. after a few minutes, the indian guy who sat 3 seats away from me tried to open his potato chips bag and guess what, the same lady at the front turned to him and gave him the same stare and hands gestures.. the poor guy had this priceless very funny look on his face and replied "can't i eat chips???" hahahahaaaaa.....
from that moment on, me and germs didn't even dare to bite our peanuts and make any movement that can cause any noises. geeez... that couple gotta learn how to relax more =p
listening >> anyway - youth alive wa
*livi* 12:22 PM
• • • • •
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
i'm going to hope celebration camp in thailand!!!!
so excited so excited so excited so excited...... hahaha....
gotta save up for it....... welcome the days of eating more bread and banana..
oh man.. a very last minute decision, thanks yingfang for arranging everything ^^
i was actually thinking about a few things when the sms came. since i won't be joining the vietnam mission trip in june, somehow i can afford this thai camp. i know that some of the leaders will be going to either aussie or europe this year as well. serving God in Hope is very happening =)
***
the first thing that i saw when i came online this morning is the news headlines of iraq bombs. not that it is surprising considering how bad it has been for the past few days.
it reminded me of the movie that i just watched on monday. yah i watched syriana with susi, mei, shirls and jx. shirls obviously enjoyed the movie very much, susi regretted coming with us and shook her head a lot, jx fell asleep but he didn't want to admit lolx, mei said the movie made her think of jesus coming back and good for educational purpose. as for me, it made me think of how precious a life is.
what makes a person willing to die for something that they think it's right, for their belief. those suicide bombers, how bout the older days kamikaze? somehow it comes down to my belief in God as well. but of course i know God won't want me to commit suicide for Him, definitely not to harm the others as well. it's just.. not right.
anyway the movie's not bad. it's really a mess down there in middle east.
listening >> cry me a river - diana krall
*livi* 5:24 PM
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