~~grace~~ ~ ~ g r a c e ~ ~


Thursday, July 14, 2005


received an email this morning and decided to post it instead- you have to be really patient reading this long entry ^^

Testimony of God's transformation and testing of faith (by Neo Wan Che, Anna)

Good morning church, my name is Wanqi or Anna from NG2C2. Presently I am a special school teacher teaching children with autism. Today, I am here to testify about God's transformation in my life. Christian life is a life of testing of faith. Just like Abraham who was tested to give up Isaac, his only son, I was also tested to give up the "Isaac" of my life which is my family.

Since last year 6/8/04, my mum was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor between the chest and gastric area. I remembered that day vividly because my school was having National Day celebration. God is a good God. He knows what happened to my life and He wants to help me. Strangely that day, a brother (his name called Eugene Chong , my ex-sheep in the Youth) whom we seldom keep in contact, suddenly messaged me asking how I was. After settling down my feelings of confusion and devastation, I only replied him that something happened to my family. To my amazement, he replied saying that as he was spending time with God that day, God suddenly revealed to him my name in his mind and God prompted him that something has happened to me. Knowing that, I told him about my mum's condition and asked him to pray for us.

Because we were only given the report by the hospital through a computer print out on my mum's diagnosis, we went to seek second opinion through my family doctor. My family doctor helped us to made appointment with a cancer specialist at a private hospital on the 10/8/04 (which is my birthday). That day having to be with my mum, the specialist did another biopsies test on my mum. Looking at the gastro-scopic result, the specialist told us that the result was fatal. The specialist asked us to come back on 12/8/04 for the laboratory test result to confirm my mum's cancer stage. Because the cancer tumor is growing between the chest and gastric area so it is not advisable to do a surgery as it will be a complicated and also involves high risk.

As my family did not have any one having cancer before, so this is a new thing to me. I was really troubled by knowing the result and did not know what to do. As I prayed and seek God, He prompted me to listen to the sermon preached by Rev. Glen and the message of the day is John 11:40, "If I believe, I will see the glory of God." On the 12/8/04, the laboratory test was out and the report showed my mum's cancer was at the last stage and based on the specialist's experience, he estimated my mum only left 9 months to live..

That day, I was studying in NIE, after seeking God for direction, He prompted me to fast the Esther's fast (meaning 3 days without food and water) because from 12/8/04 to 14/8/04 it was three days before we go for the healing service at Trinity Christian Centre. It was really a great challenge to me because I had never tried fasting 3 days without food. But of out desperation and love for my mum, I did it together with my other sister in my family. I also mobilized other Christians to fast and pray for my mum's salvation and healing.
As I fasted and prayed, God reassured me 2 more times that "If I believe, I will see the glory of God." One time is through a book which I was prompted to buy on 13/08/04 and also another time was at the healing service. Initially, I thought the glory of God was that my mum would be healed at the first healing service and then my whole family will be saved. But God's plan and purpose is higher than our plans. My parents did convert on the first healing service, however my mum's healing is not immediate.

As the days went by, my mum has to be treated with chemotherapy. Till now, she had gone through 6 rounds of chemotherapy. Seeing her suffer from the side effects of chemotherapy, I lost my faith in God's promise and became depressed. I was just like Peter who walked on water and because he started to look at his situation, he sunk. In fact, God is so good that He never let us go. I brought my mum to all sort of healing services subsequently, because I still wanted my mum to be healed. God in His grace slowly revealed the motive of why I wanted my mum to be healed. In fact, my first intention was to run away from my responsibilities to take care of her as I am the only one not married in my family. God had to deal with that character flaws I had.

God is not only a God who heals our physical body but He is more interested in transforming us totally. I was really tested in every area. Emotionally and mentally I was so stressed with so many fears. The fear of losing my mum, the fear of losing my job (as it is required for me to pass NIE before we can continue to be a special education teacher) and the fear of loneliness (as I am still single and available) were great. Physically I was abused by a student I had too. Spiritually I felt God very far though I prayed, fasted, and even put the word of God to sleep, but I still could not overcome my depression. My house was also robbed.. Because of all these trials, suicidal thoughts were constantly on my mind. Knowing that I cannot handle, I decided to go for counseling at Agape counseling centre and subsequently I was medicated and diagnosed as bi-polar syndrome by the psychiatrist. From day one till now, though I was faithless, God is faithful. God knows me very well that the root cause of my depression is not from the trials I faced but a spiritual bondage I had. I was devoted to a god in a medium house as god daughter before I convert to be a Christian. I did not know I need to renounce when I converted. Subsequently as I served God, I harbored bitterness against people especially my shepherds or leaders. That is why I cannot overcome my depression even I tried my part to do whatever I could. I was contemplating to leave church and God too.

However, God continually sent help to me. Everyday, I will receive a scripture message from a colleague, there are also friends from the other churches who ministered to me. My view of the body of Christ was expanded throughout these periods. Even my classmate (Pauline) in NIE is from Hope too. She and other Christians classmates helped me with my studies and constantly were praying for me. The final breakthrough came when I responded to an altar call in the "Seasons of life" seminar taught by Charmaine. She and Rosaline (my UL) spent 2 sessions to go through the bondage breaker, steps to freedom in Christ. The first session I was told by her to write down at least 5-10 blessings per day and to meditate on Psalms. At first, I did not believe in my heart that there can be so many blessings in a day. However, because I really want to come out of my depression, I decided to do so. God is so good, after the first round of deliverance, I really had received 5-10 blessings everyday and all of them were spirit led..

Spiritually, I finally understood what it means to rest in the love of Jesus and His love is unconditional. 10 years ago when there was a prophet who came to our church, he prophesized that the devil hates me, I got the strength that bothers him. The prophet also asked me to pray for my hands for the gift of healing. I did not understand then, but now I understood. My parents' conversion had made a great impact in my family, relatives and friends. For many years, it had been my burden to reach out to all the people I know especially my family and relatives. My mum's side effect of cancer is also minimum. Though she had 6 rounds of chemotherapy, her hair is still around. She is only thinner. My parents now are committed to the mandarin church and started to serve God. They even started to tithe and give building fund too. They even are willing to open up our house for care group or even international brothers and sisters to stay in our house. Personally, because I had overcame depression, I can minister to people who are depressed. Not only that, God used me to pray for them to be delivered out of depression. Right now I can even intercede and inspire the rest of the intercessors to pray for church to have more breakthroughs. Thank God for using me to pray for people who are sick and I am also seeing those people healed progressively. I also had breakthrough understanding that Jesus not only came to save our sins but also to heal us. There is healing power in part taking the Holy Communion.

Recently, I just had my NIE graduation. I was so surprised that I managed to get the best results for the last semester of my studies though I had to repeat 1 more module and I was suffering from depression on top with so many trials too. I even got credit for my studies. Financially, God also provided business opportunity for me to do in future and I am able to be anointed to teach these children with autism. I am also seeing my mum progressively healed and my family relationship built stronger and closer. God also revealed to me the root cause of my mum's cancer which is a generation curse. I also built many stronger friendships with people around me.

There are just too overwhelming of blessings that I have received. I know that without God I cannot be what I am today. His grace is sufficient for me. I just want to encourage people who are going through trials and temptations to continue to believe God for breakthrough and persevere on. For the shepherds or leaders who are ministering to depressive people, please continue to believe God will deliver them and to love these people unconditionally. I really thank God for providing friends, care group brothers and sisters and family members especially my younger sister, Peijin to support me throughout my depression. Freely I received from God and others, freely I give to others. To end off my testimony, in Psalms 30: 5, "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime" Hope that this will encourage you. Thank you.

*livi* 10:12 AM

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livi grace melinda
14/02/82
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